Version 1 (modified by Vijay Varadan, 4 years ago) (diff)


Getting More

How You can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life
Author: Stuart Diamond Feb 09 2017




The Good

The Bad

The Ugly


Disclaimer: These are primarily written for my own future reference, but they may be useful to you, either to decide if you want to read / buy the book or as something to revisit. The information is not comprehensive, not in the least - so, please don't use it as a substitute for actually reading the book. As with all my content, some is verbatim from the original source, opinion may be interspersed & of course, YMMV.

Negotiation Tools

  • Be dispassionate: emotion destroys negotiations.
  • Prepare, even for 5 seconds: collect your thoughts.
  • Find the decision-maker.
  • Focus on your goals, not who is right.
  • Make human contact.
  • Acknowledge the other party's position and power, valuing them: if you do, they will use their authority to help you achieve your goals.


  • Goals are paramount. Anything you do in a negotiation that doesn't explicitly bring you closer to your goals is irrelevant or damaging to you.
  • It's about them. Their perceptions, sensibilities, needs, trustworthiness, how they make commitments. You are the least important person in the negotiation.
  • Make emotional payments. Tap into the other person's emotional psyche with empathy; apologize if necessary, show you value them, offer things that get them to think more clearly.
  • Every situation is different. Averages, trends, statistics, past problems, blanket rules based on stereotypes won't always apply or are wrong. The right answer to "I hate you" is "Tell me more".
  • Incremental is best. Don't ask for too much all at once, especially when trust is low. Perception is riskier negotiation and magnified differences. So, take it one small step at a time.
  • Trade things you value unequally. Expands the pie, and increases opportunities.
  • Find their standards. Especially effective with hard bargainers. Point out inconsistencies in policy enforcement.
  • Be transparent and constructive, not manipulative." Long-term payoff is poor. Don't fake being tougher / nicer / anything you're not. Credibiliy is your biggest asset. Not to be confused with disclosing everything up front.
  • Always communicate, state the obvious, frame the vision. Not communicating means not getting information. No threats or blamestorming.
  • Find the real problem and make it an opportunity. Why is the other party acting the way they are? Analysis starts with identifying problems. View problems as negotiating opportunities.
  • Embrace differences. Ask questions about differences ==> produces more trust ==> better agreements.
  • Prepare - make a list and practice with it. Choose specific items from all the strategies, tools and models based on the specific situation. Review them after each negotiation.

Common enemies bring parties closer together and make negotiation easier - that's why people complain about the weather, attorneys, traffic or bureaucracy. Mutual needs are also effective, but have less psychological impact.

Negotiation should be about the pictures in people's heads. You cannot discover opportunity or resolve conflict unless you think hard about the other person's psychology.